Note: This was previously released as Girl, Read This Before Your Next Date, and has since been updated and expanded.
“The bar is in hell.”
Actually, the bar is in your hands.
For the past decade, I’ve been dedicated to helping women unpack their dating patterns and be more honest with themselves than they’ve ever been so they can get out of their own way.
Navigating dating, relationships, love, men–this is part of your life as a woman. And despite what a lot of the loud “all men are trash” conversations online will have you believe, there is nothing wrong with wanting a healthy, happy relationship.
But where I see so many women getting it wrong is the same place I used to once upon a time. Instead of it being part of your life, you make it your whole life, which is why you keep having the same shitty dating experiences and relationships over and over again.
So let’s audit the dating patterns you’re used to, interrupt them, and do some course-correcting, shall we?
Auditing Your Dating Patterns is based on the same process and frameworks I’ve used in my group sessions—just refined, expanded and now structured in a way you can go through at your own pace.
You’ll go through twelve chapters, each one created to help you see yourself, and the men you’re used to dating, from a completely different perspective, followed by homework that pushes you to go beyond the conversations you’re probably used to having with your homegirls, your therapist… and yourself.
Now, I’m not one for robbing women of their choices, so I’m very upfront about everything I create for you to consume and work through. That said, I’m also not one for sugarcoating. So if you were looking for something light-hearted that would soothe your ego—this is not that.
Many, if not all the chapters in this will call you out, then call you in.
Because inner work isn’t easy, but neither is chasing validation and tying your worth to all these men. The difference is, one will move you forward, the other will keep you running into dead ends.
Note: This book was previously published as Sis, Get Your Sh*t Together. It has since been completely reimagined and rewritten, with only a few prompts from the original carried over into this edition.
Inner Work. Also known as: Getting your sh*t together as many times as you need to.
Very early on, when I stepped onto the inner work scene for women through books and social media, it became really clear, really quick, just how much of the conversation was about paying attention to how other people treat us, but very rarely did those same conversations ask us to take an honest look at how we treat ourselves or other people. I've always thought that was such a disservice to us because how can we ever truly grow if we're only ever looking outward?
Yes, there are people who come into our lives and hurt us. They let us down, betray us, lie to us, abandon us, break their promises, say they’re one way but then contradict themselves with their actions, wear masks, beat around the bush, blatantly disrespect our boundaries, talk to us crazy and treat us poorly.
But um… we also do all those things to ourselves, too, and to other people. Most of us just don’t realize it because, like I said, we're constantly being encouraged to focus on everyone else's behaviour instead of our own.
Meanwhile, you’ve abandoned yourself a hundred times, disrespected your own boundaries and other people’s, and you’ve worn masks and pretended to be someone you weren’t.
Did you have your reasons? Of course you did. We all do, and that’s the point. But until you sit down with yourself with the same level of honesty you want, and probably even demand from everyone else… you’ll never know what underlying wound(s) those reasons stem from.
Like all the journals I put out into the world, this one was created from the messy-ass handwritten pages of my own journals over the years and all the questions I've had to ask myself... then answer honestly.
Which means, every prompt in here is meant to call you out… then call you in.
Because in my opinion and experience, it’s better to be able to call yourself out on your own sh*t than to have life humble you into doing it all the time. The latter really does get old after a while. Wouldn’t you agree?
So if you’re looking for a journal that will walk you through self-love, boundaries, taking care of yourself, triggers, wants and needs, and even romanticizing some things in your life, then yes, we’ll be doing all of that… just not in the way you’re probably used to. There’s only one rule though: Be Honest. Because inner work doesn’t work if you’re committed to lying to yourself. I promise you that.
You've gotta own your truths if you ever want to set yourself free.
So let’s begin, shall we?
