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Why do you want a man who communicates well? Is it because you’re honest and direct, and aren’t afraid of confrontation? Or is it because you’re not, and you want a man to do all the heavy lifting in that department?

There’s a big difference between shaming yourself and owning your shit. And ten years later, there are still way too many women who flat out refuse to acknowledge that difference. The second the word “accountability” is spoken, women take it as a direct attack, a punishment even. And to be fair here, I get it.

A lot of women are no different than the men they complain about day in and day out. This is a hill I’ve stood on for the past fourteen years, and one I’ll continue standing on until things change. Yesterday I was on Tiktok (I know) and I was listening to a woman speak about some things she’s learned in life. There were a lot of comments, and in my mind, I was sure they were women adding to the conversation. So I popped in. Was I right? No.

About two months ago, while I was in a session with one of my lovely clients talking about her dating life, she said, “Men need to start meeting me at my standards because all they do is give me crumbs.” She is a very beautiful, ambitious and successful woman. She’s got her own home, her own good career, she makes good money — all the things in that area. But her dating life now… that’s a whole other story.

If you keep dating the same type of man and getting the same disappointing outcome... that’s a pattern, beloved. And patterns don’t break themselves. I’m forty-one years old and have spent the last decade dedicated to helping women unpack their dating patterns and do the inner work they need so they can get out of their own way and stop getting into toxic-ass relationships. But I’m only able to do this work with women because I did it for myself first.

What’s one thing you wish more women were honest with themselves about? I woke up with that question on my mind this morning. No clue where it came from, but in true me fashion, I sat my ass down and journaled about it. And what came out of me is something I think might help you.

I was going through some of my old journals last night. I always say I’ve lived a lot of lives, but gawt damn… flipping through those pages made me realize just how many. All these different versions of myself staring back at me in the form of different color ink and even different styles of penmanship. I’ve grown a lot, I can tell you that much.